![]() ![]() “They are for me the embodiment of what homecoming was meant to be.”įeit is searching for their own homecoming. “They bring me into that space between here and there, who I am and who I might be, what was and what’s birthing, what hurts and what can be tended to,” Jeronimo said. She joined Kol Hai in 2016 and says Feit’s knowledge of spiritual practices, deep wisdom and neurodivergence have combined to make their sessions “transformative.” One of their counseling clients, Ali Jeronimo, has been meeting with Feit for years. ![]() She works as an occupational therapist in the Poughkeepsie school district, while Feit does more of the parenting and cooking for their three daughters - ages 5, 9 and 11 - writes and performs music, leads meditation retreats and does spiritual counseling, promising spiritual intimacy. “I feel like I live in a kaleidoscope that’s constantly turning,” she said. “I actually think the notion of a gender binary is a gross oversimplification and in fact, kind of a desecration of the diversity and beauty of creation of which we’re a part,” Feit said.Įmily admits to feeling destabilized by the change. They changed their middle name to Meira, the female form of Meyer, their two grandfathers’ names, and have begun to wear both men’s and women’s clothing. Gone are Feit’s income, Emily’s role in the community as the rabbi’s wife, Friday night candlelighting and other Jewish family rituals.įeit describes themself as genderqueer or gender-fluid. But much of the life the couple built together over the past 15 years has splintered. Emily says she’s supportive and that Feit has become “sweeter” since coming into their full self. Since leaving Kol Hai, Feit, at 45, is “unmasking,” discovering and sharing their new understanding of themself with friends and family. “There was a huge investment from Emily, from the board, from all the participants who couldn’t understand, ‘Where did this go? ’ ” Feit said. (Kol Hai means “all life” in Hebrew.) A year ago, at the beginning of Pride month, they resigned, writing to the congregation, “I learned you cannot water a dead flower back to life.”įeit says that while many in the Kol Hai community felt betrayed when they stepped away, some were “incredibly supportive and told me that I was being courageous.”īut there were losses, too. Seeing colors and hearing sound more intensely than “neurotypicals” helped Feit become a talented graphic artist and composer, they believe.Įventually, Feit realized they could not return to the leadership of Kol Hai, which they founded in 2014. They dropped out and became immersed in drugs and Kurt Cobain’s music.īut they see some gifts with autism, as well. Feit thinks they probably inherited autism from their father and may have been overstimulated attending a large high school in Manhattan. While the causes of autism are varied and not fully understood, genetics and biology are important factors, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Feit’s wife Emily said she had often done “social cleanup” for Feit, apologizing when they were unintentionally abrupt or cold to a Kol Hai congregant. “Understanding myself as autistic answers 10,000 questions about my personal history while it also opens up countless questions.”Īutism helped explain why Feit often collapsed in exhaustion and retreated after holiday services, a phenomenon known as autistic meltdown. ![]() “It was explosive, like coming out of multiplying doored closet,” they said. As Feit researched the condition, the pieces of a lifelong puzzle began to coalesce. The journey began after their 10-year-old daughter Ivy was diagnosed with autism. They revealed that their pronoun was “they” to honor the value of diversity and that they were exploring whether they might be on the autism spectrum. ![]() Wearing a blue denim dress with hiking boots, the welcoming rabbi was the magnet that attracted some 200 Jews, most from Ulster County but some from as far as Westchester, to observe the Day of Atonement together.īut a few months later, Shir Feit took an indefinite leave of absence. Rabbi Feit composed many of the liturgical songs Kol Hai sang that day and led the singing with a clear baritone, a guitar and a friendly gap-toothed smile. ![]()
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